Everyone’s heard of friendzoning – even if they don’t know the word, they sure as hell know the concept. It’s what happens time and again to unfortunate Nice Guys who, despite being nothing but sugar and spice to the girls they love, are nonetheless denied the sexual relationships they so…
welp. now that i’ve gone through my old posts and made the effort to make the unbearably embarrassing ones private…
perhaps i’ll start this baby up again?
three years later. i promise this isn’t an april fool’s joke.
trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding
in all your ways
acknowledge Him
and He will make your paths straight
I spent my morning serving lunch to the lower-income/homeless residents of New Brunswick at Elijah’s Promise. I went in with a few classmates, not quite knowing what to expect. The regular volunteers were comfortably joking around, telling us to say we didn’t have email addresses or cell phone numbers, if the clients asked. Clients? That’s what they call the people who come in for meals. We put on plastic gloves, an apron, and a hairnet. Ready.
We were to line up at the kitchen window and bring trays of food to each client that came in, putting the food down in front of them, taking their ticket and bringing back the empty tray. We sponged down dirty tables as they left and set them again for more clients.
As it picked up, the room had a slight smell to it. The same smell from Trinidad in 2005. Faintly sour but intensely pungent. Most clients said thank you in some way or another and began eating immediately. They didn’t stay very long, often finishing their fish filet, salad, steamed vegetables, in five minutes, picking up their plates and leaving.
I found myself staring at the clients, almost wanting to make eye contact. I wanted to sit with them, find out their stories, if they had recently lost their job or if they had been coming to Elijah’s for years. I guess that isn’t really encouraged since most of them are older men and well, I am not. Families came in. Couples. Mostly older men. Maybe 11 or 12 women in the time that we were there.
Even though conversations were low, the sense of community was so strong. Some of the clients spend their lunchtime networking with other clients, others kept to themselves. It made me sad watching them eat, wondering where the rest of their families were and what they’ve been through. I realized soonafter though how silly I was being. Here, these New Brunswick residents were being provided for. A warm meal that will energize them and sustain them until tomorrow when they can come in again for another meal. They don’t need my pity, maybe not even my sympathy. All they needed was for me to bring them their food.
After an hour and a half, lunch was closed and we could take off the hairnets, gloves, aprons. We could get our belongings from the locked closet. We could leave Elijah’s Promise and go back to our normal lives. We could forget about the people we saw, the warm exchanges, the gratitude on their faces.
But I don’t think I will.
______
Salsa de tomate.
In other news, I’m an ESFP.
professor’s attempt to increase participation,
“do you all realize that answering questions are a critical part of life?
‘will you marry me?’
‘would you like to have a baby?’
you cannot sit there in silence.”
twentyfive more.
1. i don’t really like my nano. or i’m too lazy to bring it with me. and i’m not always texting. so when i’m on the bus, to pass the time, i’ve been thinking of 25 things about me that are more interesting and worth reading about than my initial 25. i think the whole process has made me more conceited. oops.
2. when talking online, i take great pride when i say something humorous and the person responds with a caps lock, “LOL”. it lets me know i’m really funny. i personally never type ‘lol’ though. i just overuse ‘haha’. and i’m almost never really laughing. a smile at most. …unless you’re really funny.
3. somewhere between high school and college, i stopped being able to make girl friends easily. these past four years have been my feeble attempt at being able to have close girl friends again. i’m working on it. i have my handful from home/high school. and a handful from college. i guess a handful is really all you need.
4. my first cell phone was in 7th grade. it was a hunky nokia with a clear pink cover. kick was my ringtone. i loved that phone. it was followed by a motorola with a pink pucca cover, a nokia with clear cover that i could draw and personalize on, a motorola with an opaque pink cover (theme?…i hate pink though)…motorola everyone had at one point, my beautiful chunky motorola that i texted to death and still miss (and have, broken) to this day. and now the alias. it’s been a year now that i’ve had it and i sense it dying before this year is up.
5. i still wear my retainers. and i still can’t speak well with them in. it’s been nine years?
6. feet phobia. i’m pretty sure this is the reason: on vacation in hong kong when i was 8 years old, my parents and i were walking along kimberly road to our hotel when this homeless man suddenly appeared in front of us and his fingernails and toenails were INCHES long. and dirty. scarred for life.
7. hong kong is a great place to vacation and feel like an american. it’s not saying much because asia is the only other continent i’ve been to. i don’t think i could ever live there permanently though. i’d probably be too scared that homeless man would find me.
8. i really love my parents. it’s taken many years for me to be able to say that. about both of them. i’ve always loved my mom though she never said she loved me. i knew anyway. i could never say i loved my dad though he always said he loved me. i guess this is partially (probably all and i just don’t know it) due to giving my life to Jesus in high school. sometimes i wonder why there hasn’t been more growth or change in me but then i know that maybe this is the pace i’m supposed to be at and His plan is ultimately better than what i want for myself.
9. i hate flowers. receiving them. they die. although when it’s completely random and i receive flowers from a friend or a stranger, i giggle like a little disgusting giddy girl and it makes my day. i don’t like compliments either because they make me feel awkward. i never know how to react. smiling in silence. or saying thanks. i don’t know. i’m getting uncomfortable thinking about it. i’d rather people not say anything.
10. i met nancy loo when i was 10 years old at a dinner event and i’ve wanted to be a newsanchor ever since. eyewitness news on abc. my vision was to do the morning news, then send my cute children to school and be a housewife. then wait for my handsome husband to come home and we’d live our perfect lives.
11. our family had dial-up internet connection until my sophomore year of college.
12. my dad’s name is jack but i’m not named after him. i inherited nothing from him but his ego and his eyebrows. both rather unfortunate. oh and my shoulders. how could i forget. the most unfortunate.
13. i used to eat a pint of ice cream every few days. this was cut back after my dad found out he has diabetes. i’m definitely at risk. i also usually eat two dinners. and dessert. dinner #2 from tonight, seafood pasta is sitting on my desk and starting to stank but i’m too lazy to bring it upstairs and get my brownie a la mode.
14. never have i ever: been skiing, snowboarding, broken a bone. up until my last dentist appointment, it was also: never have i ever had a cavity. and bam my dentist tells me i have two. 21 years old. cavities. ugh. i floss every night though.
15. i’ve always wanted to be in a car accident. to break my left arm. because if i broke my right, i wouldn’t be able to function (although i’ve unsuccessfully tried many times to become ambidextrous). i think i secretly just wanted a cast and the attention that came with it. none of the pain though. my first kiss came from a hispanic boy in my kindergarten class with a green cast on his left arm. i think he made me cry and the teacher made him apologize and give me a kiss on the cheek but he missed. maybe that’s where it came from. my love of green and wanting to break appendages.
16. oh right. my mom’s name is frances. she has a really deep voice and often gets called mr. when she’s on the phone. one time she came home from the hair salon and i told her i now have two dads. she’s crazy and not very mom-like to me. i guess we’re sort of gilmore girls-ish. but she’s super shy around my friends though. fanshefolds.etsy.com . that’s her store, you should go spend your money there. i’m trying to convince her to make a facebook. would you friend my mom?
17. i hated my shoulders so much growing up that i wished plastic surgery existed to make shoulders more narrow. my dad’s always been comforting though. “it’s good. like football player.” i’m pretty sure he wanted a son. i did enjoy mowing the lawn though.
18. thinking of 25 new things is rather exhausting. every so often, i find big big bruises on my legs and i never know where they’re from. when i was young, my mom thought i was being bullied. i think i’m just clumsy. i get bruises on my shoulders too when i’m not exactly centered in a doorway and i think i can fit but my shoulders say no. :(.
19. the name of this blog. tohu va vohu means wild and waste, a world without God. i came across it while reading SexGod by Rob Bell. it’s a pretty good book that challenges relationships and gender relations. dating too, i suppose. i’d recommend it over I Kissed Dating Goodbye.
20. i’ll watch any sporting game on tv if it happens to be on and i happen to be watching. even if i don’t entirely know what’s going on. i won’t ask questions because i don’t want to be ‘that girl’. i do not see the point in nascar though. wasting gas, driving in circles for hours with the risk of crashing, exploding and dying. no thanks.
21. i took a class last semester on the clothing manufacturing industry around the world. i know i haven’t seen anything firsthand but it made me painfully aware of the injustice in this world and i don’t think i can sit around and do nothing about it. i’m prayerfully hesitant about this but i will be applying to International Justice Mission after i graduate. then maybe i’ll disappear to guatemala.
22. i’ve only ever farted in front of a guy once. in high school. and i did a pretty good job of covering it up. and by pretty good job, i mean terrible. now my body knows when to keep that junk in. when i’m home, i burp like a truck driver but all that comes out when i’m in public are those weak airy things.
23. my dad taught my mom how to drive stickshift in san francisco when they were dating in college. she only drives manual. they bought me an automatic since my mom didn’t want me driving manual. she wanted me to wait until i’m 21 to learn, five years no tickets or accidents. i half-learned this past summer and i’d like to really know how but i’d be too scared to be a bad manual driver because i’ve sat in enough manual cars (not my mom’s) and gotten carsick because they don’t shift smoothly.
24. paul has told me to go on america’s next top model many times. he’s even offered to make the video for me. it’d be fun but i don’t think i’d submit it. i almost went to the new york casting call one summer but i chickened out. my dad’s friends have told me to do miss hong kong since my dad used to coordinate the pageants for miss new york who is then sent to hong kong to compete. the idea of it all is nice but i feel like it would get old fast.
25. i’ve wasted so much time re-doing this and probably 15 minutes alone trying to think of a good #25. and i can’t. and this bowl of pasta is still sitting here. and i’ve put off a large amount of work and a shower…to do this…
brownie time.
today is a milestone.
i woke up breathing not through my mouth, but through my nose.
and i celebrate by eating jello for breakfast. strawberry jello.
but sadly, what kind of jello did momma ho buy when her bronchitis-infected, 103-fever, demanding daughter, asked for jello…?
Royal Brand jello.
…?
who would’ve thought that anything other than J-E-L-L-O existed? momma ho’s reasoning was that Jello Brand was $0.83 for one box while Royal Brand was $1.00 for four boxes. can’t argue with a thrifty woman.
the taste is off though. and the jiggle isn’t quite the same. i bet ol’ bill is turning around in his wool sweater. sorry, mr. cosby. i have been unfaithful.
Mom: wassup?!?!!?
Me: i think i’m sick again
Me: woke up with dry cough
Mom: WHAT?!!?! you don’t dress warm ENOUGH, don’t get NORMAL sleep, etc…. you MESS yourself up!
Me: …can you calm down
Mom: i’m VERY calm down
i still don’t think this is blog-worthy.
but at your request. here you go.
it matches my color scheme.
happy lunar new year.
“There is a love because, love in order to, love for the purpose of, and then there is love, period. Agape doesn’t need a reason.”
I should have finished this book sooner.
